We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
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There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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