I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
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My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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