theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize