i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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