apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
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we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
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Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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