Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize