At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
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The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
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That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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