:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
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I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
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Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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