tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
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My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
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I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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