Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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