I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
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I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
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Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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