she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
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She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
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Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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