She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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