Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
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