I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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