Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize