My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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