At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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