So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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