I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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