i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
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I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
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Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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