So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize