I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize