I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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