I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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