Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize