she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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