My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
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there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
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You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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