Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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