mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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