He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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