On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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