She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
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I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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