3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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