I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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