I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize