apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
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I slept with him to see his dog one last time
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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