I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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