And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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