Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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