dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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