if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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