We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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