Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need Xanax blowdarts
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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