Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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