The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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