When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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