well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
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What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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