i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
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Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
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How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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