I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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